Thursday, July 7, 2011

Don't send a man to the store, Part 1

Yesterday Thing 1 and I were in Target (he in his plaid shorts and me in my princess dress). Of course as soon as I put three things in my cart I realized that I had left my list in the truck. Miraculously, I remembered the bags though, so I decided to challenge my wee feeble brain and try to get my items without the list. I have decided to start doing things like crossword puzzles and memory games so that I don't completely lose my marbles. No I haven't, I just didn't want to walk back out to the truck. So we did our shopping for groceries and other necessities (like two $50 chairs for $12.25 apiece!) and started unloading our items at the checkout when I remembered that I had forgotten parchment paper for the cake that I am baking for my friend's birthday.

I said to the cashier: I forgot parchment paper, do you want me to run and get it or can you send someone?
She looked at my still full cart and my child and the line behind me and said: I'll send someone.
I thought: Good call.

As we were wrapping up, another girl came to assist and we were all looking for the person with my paper.
The cashier said to her coworker: Did you send for it?
Coworker said: Ryan should be bringing it. He'll be here soon.
I suddenly thought of Brock wandering around in the labyrinth of Target, searching for at least an hour for some mystery item called "the parchment paper" and I laughed out loud and said: You sent a man?
They both looked at me like I was a little evil, although I think the cashier was trying to withhold her amusement. She said hopefully: Maybe he bakes.

I may have snorted.*

About five seconds later "Ryan" came wandering up to the check-out with a large quantity of loose tissue paper that he obviously got from the bakery/deli area draped over his arm. About 50 sheets of something I didn't need were flapping in the breeze because they were taken from a box meant for commercial use. Ryan looked sweet, yet a bit clueless. Just as I had imagined.
I looked at the ladies and raised an eyebrow. The cashier muttered: I can't sell that. And the coworker scuttled off to correct his mistake.

Sometimes it is hard not to be right.

*My apologies to the two men that I know that do bake. I'm sure you know exactly where to find parchment paper. I'm sure you also know that you are unique and special men that represent a gross minority in your gender category. I'm guessing you two can also do all your grocery shopping in under two hours. Again, you are a rare breed of Man and I would like to acknowledge and celebrate that individuality.  Cheers.


  1. My husband bakes, and I know I could faithfully send him to the store for parchment paper and he would bring home the exact right thing. He is however a professional chef. I'm pretty sure that skews it somehow, just not quite sure how.

    Although he also has ADD so he can't go without a list or he would probably forget it was needed.

    Also, my entire life I grew up cooking from scratch. We always had a garden and I'm a pretty good cook. Before I dated my husband I was assumed to be a good cook. However, once I started dating (and eventually marring) my husband from there on out it's been thought that I kept him because he cooks and I must be a terrible cook. Why else would one marry a chef?

    *Moral of the story? Apparently I'm only in it for the food.

  2. This blog is completely offensive! HAHAHAHA NOT! It's very true about men in the grocery store isn't it? I've sent my husband there maybe 3 times since we've been married and it's usually only because I'm in labor or "held up" in some other way. And it's taken him a good two hours(complete with phone calls to me to make sure he was getting the right thing on the list) to get out of there. It's like the black hole for men. I make it a point to never send him for anything baking related....I feel I owe it to my customers. LOL

  3. i have no clue what parchment paper is or would look like. :)

  4. LOL that is so funny! Husband would of insisted that it would of been found in the stationary aisle!

    Have you ever listend to Jeanne Robertson and when she sends her husband (who she calls Left Brain) to the store with the list of items. OMG This is soo funny

  5. Ahahaha! My husband would TOTALLY look in the wrong place for parchment paper. And if he did find it, he'd inevitably buy two or more rolls. He buys two or more of EVERYTHING. Once I sent him to the store for chocolate chips, but made the mistake of not specifying what kind. He came home with semisweet, bittersweet, and milk chocolate ... both chips AND chunks.

  6. First off, @Sari, I love that you are "marring" your husband. That must be painful. For him.

    As always, Johi, you had me giggling right out loud!

  7. That's so funny. Poor dude didn't know what the heck to bring you! I love it when guys go shopping when they're not used to searching for certain products. It's always a challenge!

  8. It's like you're psychic. You saw it comin' and it did and it was still pretty damn annoying, no?

  9. I don't think Big V has ever heard of Parchment Paper. If I asked him to go find it he'd probably head towards the toilet paper section.

  10. What the hell is parchment paper? Please tell me you don't eat it.