Friday, June 10, 2011

Oh hail!

I was greeted at 11pm Wednesday night by the sound of pea gravel pelting my house. Only it wasn't pea gravel. It was hail. Only it might as well have been pea gravel because it basically ruined all my new flowers and the vegetable garden that I had been nurturing and babying and hand watering twice a day while mosquitoes feasted on my blood. Not to mention all the leaves it shredded and took off the trees, my rosebushes and hollyhocks. Gah!

Some pictures from today (two days of recovery time):

Um, I think the tomato plant is done.

It looks like someone shot my hollyhocks with a pellet gun.

This made me unreasonably emotional.
I'm showing you the nice side of the egg...

The worst part was that Brock and I were laying in bed and I heard this rock hard ice hitting the house and felt dread creeping over me and he announced confidently, "It sounds slushy! It's not that bad"

I was like "What are you TALKING about????"

Then we were silent. I was listening to the ice storm take out the month of yard work we had just labored over. Brock may have been thinking about Slurpees... or sex... he is a man after all. A few minutes went by and he was all suggestive and like, "Is that you?"

And I was all, "What are you talking about?" 

And he threw back the covers and yelled "MOTH!" and we both started swatting the sheets and acting like we were being attacked by a swarm of bees.

I looked at him with one eyebrow raised and he said that he felt something tickling him "down there" and he though it was me at first but realized that something wasn't right. I started laughing and forgot that he had annoyed me only moments earlier because he was just molested by a randy moth.

Thursday morning the funny was gone and I assessed the damage and really just wanted to cry (and I hadn't even see the baby bird/egg thing yet). Good thing Thing 2 is teething and has been screaming for 2 days straight and Thing 1 is still on a manic post-birthday high and I gave up wine (and all other alcohol) two weeks ago.... I actually could see red lights flashing in my head and I could hear the "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP" siren noise and hear the monotonous voice saying "System Overload. Shutting  Down."  I fixed it later in the evening with a glass of wine and leftover spaghetti. Fuck it. The two weeks was almost up.

The benefit of the storm kicked in today when I went out for a little zen-Johi weeding time. For me there is hardly anything more satisfying than pulling up all of the weed root. Yes, I am aware that my dork status just raised four notches. Unfortunately, my zen moment was somewhat altered by an angry shrieking Thing 2 because I forced him to sit in his cage playpen so that he didn't speed crawl out into oncoming traffic. Then I later almost stepped on a snake. You would be proud. I did not scream nor did I run, but I did prance away like a dandy pony. Then I crept back and stared at the snake for at least 20 seconds. I know. Impressive.

Maybe THIS made me feel empowered enough to confront one of my biggest fears:
Look at those roots! Yeah! Don't mess with me you
wretched weeds!
Yes, I am gardening in a dress. I'm not right.
This should not be news to you.
Have a good weekend. I hope that the horny moths stay away from your private parts and the hail stays out of your gardens.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. OMG! That was so funny! You totally made my day! Tears of laughter are still rolling down my face. Molested by a moth!!! Bwwaaahaaaahaaa!


  2. *SNORT* Is he sure it was a MOTH?

  3. Oh no! I'm so sorry about your plants but this reminds me I need to stake my tomatoes. :)

    P.S. I will trade you some warmer weather for some of my rain and mid sixties. Deal?

  4. Hail makes us jump like Mexican jumping beans at my house...last September we had a Kansas thunderstorm that came on without warning that produced small melon sized hail. All over both of our cars that were parked in the driveway. My husband's Mercedes. The house siding. You get the drift...It was killer hail, with spikes. It left holes in the yard that could turn a person's ankle and punched holes in the neighbor's roof all the way through to the living room floor. Believe me, I feel your pain. Hail sucks! Poor birdies and tomato plants! :(

  5. I had golf ball size hail pummel my garden just a couple days after I put all my starter plants. I totally feel your pain. Mine plants did survive, though, and I'm sure yours will, too. Sad about the bird egg, though.

    But the moth.....Bahahahaha!!! Too funny!

  6. Sorry about your plants, my dear. That sucks! Gardening is laboreous! But the molesting moth was pretty funny. You always make me chuckle...thanx!!

  7. I am sorry about your plants! I put out all my "cheater" plants in the past few weeks and have been dreading the (almost) daily thunder storms we have been having in the afternoons. I am afraid they will bring hail and ruin everything.
    I really hope your plants come back! Even the tomato plant may have a little more life in it!

  8. There is NOTHING wrong with gardening in a dress, and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise.

  9. Just the sight of the photo of the egg made me unreasonably emotional.
    I probably would have lay beside it and rocked myself to sleep singing or...
    What? I said unreasonable.