Monday, June 13, 2011

How to Alienate Yourself

I love Dr. Wayne Dyer. Most of the time his insight really hits home with me.

Then there is the occasional statement that makes me go "huh"?

Like this one:
Practice noticing your in and out breaths as a way to cultivate turning inward to the silent self. You can do this in the middle of meetings, conversations, even parties. Just notice and follow your breathing for a few moments, many times during your day. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

This has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to show
you a picture of my gorgeous horse.

I do this all the time. Only I don't refer to it as "cultivating turning inward to the silent self". I call it zoning out and ignoring people. I also focus on my husband's breathe. It is because he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and I lay there listening to him breath in and out for an hour and a half before I get to sleep. It does nothing for my silent self except irritate it. "Omg! WHY do you breathe so AUDIBLY?"

I am not as great at multitasking as I would like to imagine. Ask anyone who has tried to talk to me while I am reading or watching So You Think You Can Dance. How do you focus on your breathing and pay attention in meetings and conversations? I would try it and end up: getting fired; appearing bored and rude; or laughing like a hyena at a silence (insert interaction here) and realize later that my fellow human had just told me his grandmother died. Then try to explain later (in an apology to said fellow human or boss who is firing you) that you were simply focused on your breathing and not what they were saying..... Not cool.

Go ahead and go for it at parties. I recommend opening your mouth and breathing through it, rather than your nose. Breathing through your mouth always makes you look smarter, especially when you are not responding to anything fellow humans are saying because you are too focused on your breathing. AND! (bonus!)People will be super impressed with all your Napoleon Dynamite quotes, too.....

Through the mouth Gus! Through the mouth!!!!

I say I need more practice paying attention and remembering shit, not breathing.
Off to get a bunch of really really important stuff done...
Happy Monday,



  1. I "focus on my breathing" an awful lot during meetings. A lot.

  2. I love your posts, you are awesome! :) And your horse is a beauty too.

    I have trouble breathing when someone is standing next to me. I know I'm weird, but I'm suddenly conscious of the smell of my breath, the noise.... do I smell bad? Why should I care? But I do! So I tend to hold my breath a lot. Its so stupid. I can't break myself out of that habit!

  3. lol twin breathers I see...

  4. I have realized in my old age (30), that I have a pretty crappy multi-tasking brain. I cannot have a conversation and do anything else - not if I want one or the other to come out sounding intelligent...I don't know how on earth I could ever focus on my breathing in a meeting, etc. I wouldn't even have to TRY to do it with an open mouth! From there, I should just try to start biting my elbow. It would seem fitting at that point.

  5. It used to piss me off when my ex husband would tell me, "your mouth is open...". Yes, I know. I have allergies and can't breath otherwise you ass!

  6. Wait! What? I have a silent inner self?? I didn't realize there was a single silent thing about me! Good to know.

    And your buckskin is GORGEOUS!!!!!

  7. Funny you should mention this. I practiced this A LOT the one time I went to see Wayne Dyer speak. He might call it getting in touch with something. I called it pure boredom.

    I'm glad to hear you practice this too. Must mean we're both geniuses.

  8. I'm trying this new thing where I respond to your comments via email (because I don't think blogger offers that handy dandy reply box). Some of you don't leave your emails though so:VVVVVV (that is an arrow pointing you out- noreply commenters!)
    @tish- I only breath through my mouth when I am sick or like Brandy- have allergies.
    @Joie- Your name is clearly awesome. I like the elbow biting too.... classy. You are my kind of gal.
    @Elizabeth: Ohh... he was boring? That makes me sad. But I get bored at concerts so a lecture is sure to put me to sleep, no matter how much I like the person. That is why I always throw a paperback in my purse....

  9. I could add a whole new level of self-absorption if I focused on my breath IN ADDITION to everything else I focus on about myself.