1. I opened my new protein powder container for the shakes that I make for my family when I don't feel like cooking.... um, I make shakes almost every day...and this is what it looked like.
|This is what I buy. It must be great for you |
because it turns your pee fluorescent yellow,
like vitamins...or asparagus.
|This is exactly what it looked like when I opened it.|
No worries, there wasn't a finger in it; that belongs
to me, but look how far down the powder is from
the top of the container! I paid a lot of
money for extra packaging. That blows.
3. I was relieved when Thing 1 went down for a nap (he will be 4 years old in a few weeks) because I don't have to watch Thing 2 as closely (he just turned one and eats out of trash cans.)
"I thought the software was free. Why am I being asked to pay?
The software is completely free of charge. What you pay goes towards supporting our technical team and for the creation of more user guides. If you’re not satisfied, you can always cancel your membership and keep the software."
Special. Guess what asshats at Zune? Paying for something means it is not free! I sent the lemon phone back to Verizon with all sorts of adorable pictures of my Things. So much for protecting the identity of my children....
6. Since the Thing's cover is blown, here is an example of my husband's photography skills:
|Wow Honey! You got 1 out of 4 faces! Great Job!|
I swear I did not doctor this.
|I know that he gets his skills from his dad, because I still have mine!!!|
|It's a coming, people. Don't deny it.|
Coming this September.....
|Seriously? I know, right?|
Sorry boys, she is taken.
Therapist: "So why do you think you are wearing your wife's clothing when she is away on business?"
Thing 1: "I have special memories of my mom and I smiling while I was wearing her shoes when I was three. Other than that I spent my entire three year old year in time out for beating on my little brother and taking his toys."
Therapist: "So you think that your mother loved you most when you were playing dress-up in her closet because that is when the two of you had your special one-on-one time?"
Thing 1: "Yes, I am a straight man wearing women's clothing because my mother was a horrible person. It is her fault that I am confused. It is her fault that my wife caught me stretching out her Jimmy Choo's. IT IS ALL MY MOTHER'S FAULT!"
Not that there is anything wrong with cross dressing, but I don't need to feel responsible for forcing it on my firstborn son.
9. I spent $264 on groceries last week and I could find nothing to eat in my house within 4 days.
10. I had to avoid yoga class on Saturday night because my stomach was not right and I had serious concern that I would rip ass in the middle of a downward facing dog, so I went on a walk with my family instead and "freshened up" our local natural area. No mosquitoes bothered us..... Was that an overshare? Weird how I just don't care.