Saturday, May 28, 2011

I'm not ready.

I have a friend who, upon spying someone poorly dressed or with hideous hair, says calmly, "Ooooo, I'm not ready..." This quiet type of snarkiness fills me with glee. It is quite possibly one of my favorite lines to date.

I called Brock out the other day for telling tall tales to Thing 1. Remember this post?

Well, give me a name tag that says "Hi! My name is Giant Flaming Pile of Hypocrite" because yesterday Thing 1 pointed to my pink tampon box on the back of the toilet and said, "What is that?"

I sighed and thought Ooooo, I'm not ready, and before I could formulate an age appropriate answer he asked, "Is that girl vitamins?"

And I said solemnly, "Yes honey, those are girl vitamins."

Then he said, "I want a vitamin!"

Using the flawless distraction method of parenting, I threw the box under the sink and said, "Sorry, they are only for girls. Let's go play with your diggers!"

Am I a bad parent for lying? Or am I avoiding confusing and possibly traumatising my precious young child? Whatever. I guess you can now officially call me a story teller. I am just not ready to explain the workings of tampons to my three year old.

What have you told your children to avoid a long and painful explanation?

On another note: I promised "fashion" and here are some of last week's special treats:
(And my friend would probably say "Oooo, I'm not ready".)

Our chilly date night. I figured out halfway through the evening that my leggings have a hole in the thigh. No biggie, because everyone was looking at my AWESOME sweater jacket. It was my rockin' grandmother's and she picked it up on one of her trips to Ireland. Please excuse the crazy eyes. I don't get out much. I was excited.


No, I'm not gassy. Those of you who have the great privilege of speaking with me in person know that this is a fairly normal facial expression for me. I don't know what I am pointing at..... maybe the stylin' hair band on my wrist?
I found the shirt (on sale, of course) at my favorite Old Town Ft. Collins store, Kansas City Kitty.
When I remove the frumpy sweater, it makes me feel like an 80's rocker....



Exhibit A,
complete with air guitar.


Exhibit B.
Nothing says "ROCK ON!" like ceramic horse plates and an exercise block.


Superstar!


Were you ready? I'll bet the answer was no.

Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend!
Johi

13 comments:

  1. @Tex- I know you finished reading here and started practicing your air guitar moves.
    By the way, I remembered what I am pointing at; there is baby slobber on my sleeve. Naturally.

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  2. 1 - I woulda done the same thing.
    2 - that sweater is awesome
    3 - Because of those last three pictures, I m even more excited for your MFB feature.. lol :D

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  3. Love it!! The dancing of course!!!

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  4. I love "Ooooh... I'm not ready" and will begin using it right away.

    You play way better air guitar than I do. Air guitar just looks wrong on me.

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  5. Oh Ally, it clearly looks wrong on me too.

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  6. LOL!! I'm a "superstar" too...even if only in my own head!! I tell tall-tales to the dudes all the time. Some info they are just not ready for. For example, "mommy, how did the baby get in your tummy???" Not a question I'm prepared to answer...so I told him "I ate it, honey" That answer may scar him for life...but not as badly as the true answer would have! ha!!

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  7. I hope you are having a fabulous long weekend.

    Also, someone (maybe you, but i hate to add more work, so let's just go with "someone") should compile a montage of your facial expressions.

    dude, girl vitamins? why do you gotta be so brilliant. i once told Cal that the choco bar in the fridge was really medicine when she was really young. to this day, she still doesn't really like chocolate. hmmmm.

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  8. This totally makes me think of those Calvin and Hobbes comics where the dad makes up random crap. So funny.

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  9. For years my daughter was convinced my birth control pills were my allergy medicine. I was not ready.

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