Friday, April 22, 2011

Fun Friday Facts

Two things happened last night:

1. We had a thunderstorm, which meant that Black Dog spent the night in our bathroom trembling and saying to herself "PLEASE! NO! I'M NOT READY TO DIE!" Black Dog is afraid of many many many things (including cameras), but thunderstorms top the list of evil in her mind. They produce acid rain you know....

2. I went out to the mailbox yesterday evening and was greeted with this, which immediately made me feel terrible about myself:


*nice*
 In case you don't see the problem here, let me magnify it:

Really Your Big Backyard  magazine? REALLY?
Now I wish I wouldn't have used that  hot 20-something guy's butt as my focal point in yoga class because I KNOW that they are greeting ME with this passive aggressive message.
What is next? Will someone be sending me leopard print sunglasses and hot pants, delivered by an attractive young UPS driver wearing a cross, a string of garlic and a chastity belt? Where will I put my hot flash medication if I am wearing hot pants? And finally: Why would this have meant nothing if my husband (who is almost oblivious to the fact that he is 10 1/2 years older than me) would have gotten the mail? Where is the male version of "cougar"? The hyena? I guess that would equate "dirty old man"....

So thanks, "Your Big Backyard" Magazine, for making all "older" mom's feel like filthy dirty antique whores. If only I could have topped out at 35.....and fuck you OBGYN for making 35 the magic number to qualify you as "advanced in years". Someone get me my crossword puzzle, reading glasses and Activia.

In other news:

We listed our living room furniture on Craigslist and sold it in less than three hours. The buyers will be picking it up this evening. I'm ecstatic.

Here is what we had:



Plus a chair and ottoman that won't fit in my teensy weensy house.
It has served us well, but is just too damn big for the house and
too soft for my old lady body. (read: they hurt my back.)
It will now have a new home with its new family in Montana....in a room that is big enough to actually accommodate it all, so that it can be a family again. Yea! I love seeing families stay together.

And the best part?...Guess what that means? Momma gets to go shopping, cash in hand, for some NEW living room furniture. WOOHOO! 

I know exactly what I want. Here is an idea:


Photo from Luxe Magazine.
"Is she on CRACK? A white couch with pets and children??", you ask.
No, I'm not on crack. I am naturally delusional.
I've been this way since I was a young child looking at
the women's shoe section in the Sears Catalog.
 I lived on a farm. I was nine. ...High heels not practical...
I only said that this is what I WANT.
I love those grey green chairs too.... *sigh*
 Even though that is what my heart desires, I'm pretty certain that it is not what we will be getting.

But then again, I've always been fond of living in a fantasy world! My mom fed my illness by buying me a subscription to Luxe Magazine. Way to be an enabler, mom.
Let me show you the cover of this month's issue:



It has so so much in common with my house.

Here is what happened in the five minutes that it took me to run the vacuum and put the vacuum back in the closet:



This has Thing 2's prints all over it.


While this bears the trademark stamp of Thing 1.
Seriously, I just cleaned this rug and room two seconds earlier.

Both the Things blamed this guy. It looks like
he bucked off his rider (who must have been playing
with the magnets scattered all over the floor...)

.
 So, you see, when it comes to home design, what I want and what I have are two very different things. For instance, this guy lives at our house:

My husband painted this as a child.
Now it lives with us.
Isn't that sweet?
*crickets*
Bonus Points to anyone who can name
the MOVIE in which this bunny made
an appearance.

Happy Good Friday to all of you. May all your Easter wishes come true.

It's Good Friday and I forgot. Crap. I ate meat. I ate a lot.

Damn, I should write cards.

Peace, Love and Easter Bunnies,
Johi

P.S. I posted the red beans and rice recipe under the recipe page, just as promised!

9 comments:

  1. Hey hunny bunny...or should I say, you're my cat's meaow??!! You're such a hoot! Seriously, I want hang out in your head sometime...just for a little while! I have mysterious rogue destroyers in my house...they ususally go by the alias of "not me"!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's not as much fun in here as you might think.
    Thing 1 is actually brutally honest. He admits to EVERYTHING. It cracks me up!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I got a spanx catalog and a new food network magazine in the mail at the same time once. I'm pretty sure one or more were a sign from the universe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. yup, i wanna see that new white couch you get after a week... :) and no couch covers allowed!

    ReplyDelete
  5. In a crack-induced haze last year, I purchase a massive white sectional. Upon delivery, our friend Matthew came over to inspect the goods wearing dark rinse denim. He did not sit on the couch. However, he did lean against it ever so slightly. When he left, there was a noticeable dark denim streak on the white fabric. My family is no longer allowed to sit on the couch if they have jeans on, dark pants, dark shirts, if they haven't showered in the last 15 minutes or if they have any kind of hair products in their hair. Clearly, my home is comfortable and inviting.

    But you know what, I love my damn white couch. Do it. You'll be happy you did. Or not. But please don't come looking for me if you're not. I'll blame it on the crack

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh my cow... that bunny would get "accidentally" shoved out of the upstairs window if it lived with me... ::shudder::

    ReplyDelete
  7. I bought a huge sectional once that swallowed my living room. It just didn't look that big in the huge store showroom. *shrug*

    And...I have a black dog who is afraid of everything, too. Laundry basket. Yoga ball. Thunder. His shadow!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think the rug is gorgeous. As for the rabbit...kinda creepy...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Does your dog sit in the tub? For some reason tubs are popular places during thunderstorms. Maybe they are grounded and therefore relieve the feeling of static in the air?

    ReplyDelete