Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sick and Wrong, People. SICK AND WRONG.

Every day my Google Stats (that come free with this blog) gives me a plethora of information. It tells me how many page views occur, which posts people are reading, the traffic source and your home address. Just kidding, but it does tell me what countries are reading (can I get a WOOT WOOT for Singapore? Whoever you are- you're awesome). It also gives me a little gem called "keywords". These are words that people are typing into their search engines and the search engine is then leading them to my blog. Normally they are just variations of my title, but last week I got two special ones, and I am suspicious that the same person may have typed them both:

corn fed vagina
corn fed butt

Come on people. What is wrong with you???? Is this really what revs your engine/blows your skirt up/ ignites your flames of passion? Really? GET A HOBBY. I hear that people enjoy a crazy little thing called READING. Shit, just do some popsicle art or macrame. Go watch an episode of The Golden Girls. Anything.

Also in the past, these keyword searches have led people here:

hard red dog poop
turkey butt jeans
wet sheets
chicka nownow
redneck's confession
still not potty trained
prayer for our sons
Mary Madonna images
...and a variety of ways I say my name (stalk much?).

So I think that it is obvious that my blog is full of farm grown, backwoods, religious porn (and other bodily fluids). Thank you for reading.

Maybe I need to rethink my content....
 I can't believe I haven't gotten a "unicorns" or "classy bitches who blog" keyword. I am going to try harder (later).


  1. What scares me is how we are surrounded by these very same people in every day life... you know it's that quiet neighbor with the perfectly manicured lawn that is looking up "corn fed vagina"... Ew!

  2. I like "classy bithes who blog"...your a hoot and I love you. And I SO needed a laugh (and the world's biggest margartia) today! LOVE YOU!!!

  3. My favorite is hard red dog poop. I was going to say I love it, but that sounded worst than corn fed vaginas.

  4. Love you too Crystal!
    @Sluicers- Even hard red dog poop needs love (I think)! :)

  5. I was had a keyword search for "cats in the microwave" and "homemade sex soup." What?! I've never blogged about putting a cat in the microwave. And although I happen to have the recipe for homemade sex soup I am NOT about to put that on the blog my mother reads. Gah!

  6. Oh. And that was SO supposed to read "I once had..." Apparently I'm really tired. Or incredibly hungover. I can't tell - it's not noon yet.

  7. At least your mom reads your blog.
    Sex soup... hmmmm... sounds interesting.