Monday, March 21, 2011

10.5 things that demonstrate how I am completely unreasonable.

**Sometimes thoughts come to me at 2a.m. and then I have the brilliant idea to turn said thoughts into a blog post. I apologize in advance.**

  1. I know not to eat dairy before bed, yet I continue to do so, then I wonder why I am alert and sweating at 2 a.m. because of that dream about my kids in a bouncy castle, scuzzy men too old (and high?) to be in a bouncy castle and broken glass in the same bouncy castle woke me up at night. Or maybe I just fear bouncy castles and scuzzy men, which on the other hand, is completely reasonable. (side note to my girlfriend who fears the circus- I get it)
  2. Every year I am severely disappointed when I don't actually win the HGTV Dream Home. Because, you know, THAT is a completely realistic goal.
  3. I actually expect my husband  to not only finish the project that he started, but also to clean up after himself. Obviously I am insane in the membrane.
  4. I would like people to like me. I'm talking about everyone I meet. This is impossible because I speaks my mind, and we all know some people cannot deal with snide, mouthy women delivering the facts. "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" (Look at me quoting movies. Probably incorrectly...) But seriously, I'm super nice. I hope you like me....
  5. I still keep anticipating the day the I sleep through the night, get up when I am done sleeping (done=to be determined by me) and don't have an ache or a pain in my body. Blahaha!
  6. I believe in fairies. Next time I go for a walk I will take a picture of the tree that they live in and show all of you, so that you too will be believers.
  7. I don't want my dogs to chase cars anymore. I'm pretty certain that my neighbors feel the same way.
    Who me?
    Yes. You.
  9. I would like to feed my food allergy sensitivity prone, high maintenance family (yes, I am one of them) perfectly healthy, balanced meals for under $300 a month.
  10. I really want a jet pack (or a hover craft).
  11. I would like people to stop telling me to get a job and start telling me what a great job I am doing raising two precious little boys. Seriously. Stop.
  12. I want to live my life "at 11", which is obviously better than 10.


  1. First of're doing a great job raising your boys. Although, I haven't met I am just guessing! Secondly, I would LOVE to feed my army for $500 a month. I think we are upwords of $800-$1000! Eek!! Looking at that makes me cringe...but seriously, why are they ALWAYS hungry?! WTH?!?! I'm going to have to eat less and less just to fill those little stinkers up...they eat A LOT!

  2. Crystal- That is about what we spend with formula and diapers, and you have two extra mouths to feed! Ugh! All the gluten free stuff is expensive, and Thing 1 eats at least 3 pieces of fresh fruit every day. I caught him peeling his own orange today. :)

  3. YOU TOO? i am so severely disappointed every time we don't win the Dream House. One year, Harv and I actually got into an argument about who would tend the little grapevines out back (of the Sonoma house, remember that one) because I was SO sure we were going to win.

    oh, and #3, you cracked me up. because my husband suffers from the same disorder.

  4. Hahaha, my husband also suffers from #3, and a myriad of other afflictions too numerous to list ;)

    Who's harassing you about getting a job?!? WTH? Isn't that what you do 24/7? Work. Honestly, it would not hurt Americans to get back into respecting motherhood and housework a little bit more. Not to mention, any money you made would just go to daycare. And the tiny amount left you would have to spend on nice new clothes to wear to said job. Thinking you are saving money by staying home...

  5. Your child actually wants to eat fruit? Mine would rather starve than eat an orange or an apple for a snack. Unless he is able to smother the apple in peanut butter.

  6. @Elizabeth- Yes, I remember our Sonoma House. I hope the posers who won it are enjoying our grapevines.
    @Moxie- Amen to the Nth degree.
    @Tina- I am raising a fruit fly. Fer reals.