Monday, February 28, 2011

Wrangler Butts Drive Me Nuts... or maybe it is the lack of sleep.

Anyone who ever attended any kind of "western function" in their lives has heard this saying.  It is true.  There are some really spankable attractive cowboy tushes out there all wrapped up in their Wranglers.  I was browsing The Pioneer Woman today where she graciously gave her readers yet another glimpse of her Marlboro Man's Wrangler clad booty.  It is indisputably good.

On the other hand, my husband and I are relatively assless.  It wasn't always this way. I used to have a great arse.  I can say that because it isn't great anymore (plus I have no boobs, so it was only fair that I have something to entice the opposite sex).  If my husband ever had any junk in the trunk, it fell out on a washboardy gravel road long before we were introduced.  Now we both fall prey to the Wonderbread Monster. You know him, right?  He sneaks into your house at night, puts on your jeans and does deep knee bends until the ass section is stretched to oblivion. Then when you slip into your denim the next day, they are tight everywhere except for the "good places".  Because of this asshole Wonderbread Monster, we both look like we store loaves of bread in our britches. Sexy, I know. Things just shifted weirdly after bearing children. I won't go into details. I don't know what my husband is using for an excuse.  Although, he is a guy, so he probably thinks he looks awesome.

On the other hand, our offspring sport a couple of cutie patootie booties.

I may not have Marlboro Man, but I have Thing 2 in his size 1T Wranglers.  Does anyone have a crock pot that I can put this baby into?  I seriously have to stop myself from chewing on him.

Cerealy? How cute is this???
Anyone who doesn't think
 that this is cute has no soul.
 I'm off to do squats...and change the locks on the doors.


  1. Oh what a cutie pie!!!! :)

    You wanna hear the truth? Okay, I'll tell you. I used to have a butt. Not a wonderful butt, but a butt, period. Then one day during my 20's, I sat very hard on my butt for some reason. Flattened it. And inflated my boobs. My boobs are too big, and it didn't used to be. Its like my butt popped, but my boobs took on the air. Sheesh.

  2. Mine shifted up, but not quite as high as yours. It stopped around the abdominal area. All I can say is that this whole "aging" business is stupid. I should get off this computer and go work out...or eat my leftover birthday cake...

  3. eat your cake ON the eliptical! Guilt-free dessert ;)
    That tiny hiney is edible! (and not in that "Alive" sort of way)

  4. After the third baby I now have a butt. But not in a good way. Trust me on this one. Also, I never had boobs. My 15-yr old loves to announce that "My mom has smaller boobs than me!" (As if the dentist needs to know that. What the hell, kid?)