Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sunny and warm with a chance of hillbilly and annoying wind.

I was looking forward to yesterday and today all week!  The forecast was calling for the upper 60's both days.... with sunshine!  I need a megadose of Vitamin D like Catholicism needs married and female priests.(Yes, I just said that.)

Yesterday, after I picked up Thing 1 at preschool, we buzzed by the grocery store and bought a delicious rotisserie chicken, red grapes and a ring of fruited jello.  I declared that we would go home and have a picnic outside! ...where we would dine on the beautiful food from the deli that mommy didn't have to make!  It sounded like heaven to both Thing 1 and I, so we quickly loaded up our purchases and headed home.  When I turned onto our street my gut did a flip as I saw the billowing black smoke over the road.  It was coming from the vicinity of our house.  I drove further to discover that our house was intact (whew!), but our neighbor was using the beautiful day to stand in his yard and burn (tires? appliances?  lawn furniture?) items that smelled horrible when in flames and smoked even worse.  I knew that my plans of a picnic outside had been foiled when I almost choked on the smoke while removing Thing 2 from his car seat.  I have been so deprived of heat and sunshine at the same time that I almost gave into my inner dragon and created a major scene with said neighbor. Instead I bit my tongue and stalked into the house, making sure I closed the door quickly so that the smell didn't seep into my home; therefore ruining the aroma of diapers, cat box and dog hair that I have spent the last four years of my life perfecting.

Buying jello is really taking laziness to a whole new level.
I love jello.
I declare the rest of this week "Jello Week!"

I told myself that it was fine, because tomorrow was supposed to be equally as nice, if not nicer, and we would spend the entire day outside~ frolicking in our crunchy dormant grass and eventually picking up the dog crap that my husband fails to see.

When I went outside today I was immediately greeted with one of those 50 mph bastard winds from the west whipping me in the face and the red dog touching me with her slimy ball and whining that I throw it for her and touching it to my hand and whining and touching it to my leg and whining... I was out for about five minutes in wind pushing at me, howling in my ear, whipping my hair and blowing crap in my face when I started gritting my teeth and feeling like I wanted to pull out my best Billy Blank's roundhouse kick to pummel that wind.  I lost my steam when I was struggling to get my sumo baby inside and the wind blew the door into us so hard that I almost lost a finger.  My years of wind(codeword for winter) in Estes Park has stoked my hatred of wind to the point of lunacy. Wind+Johi+kids+red dog=MAJOR INVASION of my personal space bubble.  OMG! Stop touching me!!!! 
It wants someone to throw the ball.  Please throw the ball for it.

I gave into my defeat and I put the kids down for their naps, watched some episodes of Hellcats that had been stored up of my DVR, thought about exercising when I looked at those cheerleader abs, and finished Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by The Pioneer Woman. Now I am still not exercising, but I am drinking a Bard's beer (best Gluten free one I have found) and listening to Thing 2 destroy Thing 1's beloved Buzz Lightyear.  Gee.  Maybe it will be nice TOMORROW.  And maybe I will wake up in Mexico with a slight headache and sand in my crevices. A girl can dream.

1 comment:

  1. hahaha!!! I'm sorry your picnic got ruined. We had tornado like winds today too. It sucked. It's no fun outside when the wind blows your kids over. I am NOT a dog lover, and our lab insists on putting his slimey, slobbery ball on my shoes. Ugh!! So gross!!