I've always said that I am 5'7". I've never actually been 5'7" in bare feet, more like 5 foot 6 and 3/4 inches, but before having children I was usually wearing shoes (you know, because I left the house on occasion). My shoe of choice is cowboy boots, because they feel good, look good and make that awesome clicky noise when you walk. My kick ass boots typically sport a 1 1/2" heel. So technically I was 5 foot 8 and 1/4 inches (if I am doing my math right) in my boots. That seemed suitable to me; short enough to find men to date who were taller than me (yes, I am that shallow) and tall enough to buy clothes off the rack, block a few shots in my lustrous high school basketball career and reach
My girlfriend came for a visit last September, which was sadly also the last time a professional cut my hair, and we did all kinds of fun girl things. We talked about our feelings, we painted our nails, we told our children to eat what was on their plate, she watched me drink wine, we attempted to go shopping with a 4 month old Thing 2 (fail) and we measured how tall we were, obviously.
When we measured each others height, I measured 5 foot 6 and 1/4 iches. WTF? I am half an inch shorter? WTF? When did that happen? I figure it was from all the hard farm labor I did as a child (thanks again Mom and Dad), or maybe bearing two babies (thanks husband), or maybe sitting for too long slumped at my computer searching for things to amuse me and/or distract me from the fact that my house is a mess and my children are drawing on the walls again and the Black Dog rolled in ______ and is smearing it on my living room rug and the Red Dog is outside chasing a car and the cat is still allergic to some unknown source and looks like I started shaving him but got distracted when the phone rang, then never finished the job. Or maybe I am just getting....gulp...OLD.
For whatever reason, it blows. I've always been comfortable with my lie about my height because it was only 1/4 of an inch. But now that I know it is 3/4 of an inch, I feel dirty and immoral. Okay, not really, but being overly dramatic looks like so much fun on TV that I thought I should try it. So now that I know this, do I have to change my drivers license to my actual height (and weight), or can I continue to present myself as something that I am not? I feel like honesty is always the best policy... right? Never mind that my picture was taken when I was 27, with a great tan and virtually no wrinkles, and I intend to keep this picture as long as possible. Just because I don't look like this now doesn't mean that I won't look good again someday- right? Shhh. Don't answer that.
|Sadly, this is one of the best pictures ever taken of me.|
I am actually laughing here... at the DMV... I know. ??
I wasn't even drinking.
The lady taking the pictures was holding a bird and said,
"Look at the birdie! Or the crazy lady!"
|Oh hai! Is there something on my nose?|