Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I'm going bananas.

Bananas are offensive.

I take that back. 

For the most part, bananas are offensive.

They have about a 24 hour period where they are remotely edible; right after the too green and they feel like they zapped all of the moisture from your tongue and replaced it with their banana fur; and right before they loose their firmness and become a phallic blob of fermented mush.

They are mostly smooshy, and smooshy food offends me.  Just as any food that resembles phlegm, whole baby animals, brains or eggplant.

Apparently it is hard to eat them without smacking your lips, which is a noise that makes me want to stab myself in the leg with a fork.

When bananas are combined with baby slobber and cat hair and smeared on my jeans, I actually want to strip off my pants and run panicked and pantless down the street.

Come to think of it I am kind of smooshy and sometimes my husband smacks his lips when he is around me..... my hair is yellow.....and I have a tiny window of time in which I am even remotely pleasant.

That is all.


  1. I agree about the small window of edibility ... mostly ours go into the freezer for later use in banana bread.

    Ok, you are now known as Banana.

    I like the new decor!

  2. You are too funny! I like bananas myself, but I do agree when they get too mushy its gross.

  3. Banana fur! Never knew what to call that feeling they make on your tongue...

  4. OMG! You are the very first person in my entire life to put it this way! I told my boyfriend a few times about how much it annoys me to hear/see people eat bananas... he looked at me like an alien when I said it. Of course when I read this I totally had to show him this posting! You are awesome! I also don't have a lot of traffic on my blog but I still love to write it! Add me to your blogroll and I will add you! - Daisy from

  5. OMG you are cracking me up! I found your blog tonight as I searched for a picture to accurately recreate the obscene number of bananas I pulled from my freezer tonight! So yes I have the banana hoarding issue and I must certainly agree with your description of this offensive fruit.