Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Why do baby toys sound so much like slot machines?

I feel that I need to do some investigative reporting.  Too bad I am parked on my couch watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model and am far too lazy busy to actually investigate.  So, instead I'll do some "speculative reporting".  Here it is: I think that there is a secret link between companies like Vtech and Fisher-Price to the companies that produce slot machines for gambling purposes.  The resemblance is uncanny~ Thing 2 actually received two toys for Christmas, each with a wheel that spins with numbers in a line.  They both play crazy beep boop beepy music, just like a slot machine... Coincidence?  I think not.  This is a conspiracy, I say!

Fisher-Price would argue that this is a gas pump.  I'm not buying it.
I have never once pumped gas with lime green plastic.

I tried to take a photo of this one by Vtech, but I can't seem
to peel my Things away from it.  Does anyone else think it looks
like they are waiting for coins to fall in their lap?

I have two theories:

1.  The tiny slot machine-esque toys are to condition children to love gambling, hence creating a never ending "up and coming" crop of gamblers.  That was also the idea behind those candy cigarettes.  Do they still make those? Because that was genius.

2. The tiny slot machine-esque toys are to remind parents of the "good ole days", when they got raging drunk, made horrible decisions and lost lots of money (otherwise known as "having fun").  Thus, motivating parents to hire a sitter and haul their asses to their local casinos.

All of the noisy slot machines toys that my children play with were gifts from people who secretly like to watch me suffer-like my family- and Santa (fat bastard).  I stick with my brilliant idea of homemade gifts, like I previously mentioned in this post.  Just look at this fabulous space rocket that Thing 1 is playing with...

Yes, he is using it like a coffin, but I will not be alarmed until he carves himself a couple of fangs, like that freaky girl on The Bachelor last night.  WTF was that?  And he kept her? Come on Brad!

And yes- it is a vacuum box.  The squishy blocks did their job and I purchased a new vacuum.  It claimed to be made specifically for pet hair removal..... BAH!... we'll see.


  1. For Halloween my kids got a few small boxes labeled "candy stix". "Hmm, I don't remember these from my childhood." thinks I. I open the box to pull out two thin white sugary sticks. Very boring looking, until I realize THEY'RE CANDY CIGARETTES! Only the name has been changed.

  2. Totally.

    Why do kids like boxes so much? At that age Hayden would have played with that box for days.

    Having fun catching up on all I missed ...