Read her blog. Do it now. No one else knows how to discuss gravy, heroin kitties, tequila guns and panda suits like this woman.
So as I am scrolling the list of titles that includes:
How do you say “Please don’t vacuum up the dead wasps” in Spanish?
The two stupidest people on earth live in our house
I see my title Oh! Sparkles.
I'm so lame. It isn't even a good title. Dammit! I spend at least..... three seconds thinking about my titles! I am entitled to better titles!
Not really. The only thing that I am entitled to is the free publishing that blogger provides me, because I take precious time away from preparing dinner for my family, or folding laundry, to write here. I should probably stop blogging when I am tired, which would be all the time. I clearly need help. I'm going to go lay down on the couch right now and cry about it. No, I'm not.
This is where you all come in. Because I know that my readers are fierce! (I'm making kitty claws with my hands now...) I need to come up with titles that don't point out that I probably have a vitamin deficiency, or am unable to talk to anyone about Obama's State of the Union address because I am too busy watching The Bachelor on my DVR, or that I just freaked out and started squirming over a piece of sweater lint because I thought it was a spider, or that I consumed a brownie and coffee for breakfast....again. Help me*, dearest, fairest readers of the Internet, whose lips will shame the red red rose. I obviously need it. Make me smarter..... and funnier(...and prettier while you are at it).
*Please send your ideas to my email at email@example.com or just be brave and leave them in the comment box. Just be nice, or Red Dog will eat you.
On a completely unrelated and random note: Thing 1 yelled at me this morning. I was trying to fix him some toast for breakfast and he was moaning "No! I don't like butter! I'm a PLAYBOY!"
I'm pretty confused by his statement so I emailed my friend, who is going to ask her husband to translate this kind of man speak.
By the way, he DOES like butter. If I would allow it, he would eat it like it was cheese. And no, I don't subscribe to Playboy. Thanks for wondering.
|Say Butter! I mean Cheese!|
Maybe he meant "Supermodel"?
All Paparazzi know that they don't like butter.