Thursday, January 27, 2011

I need better titles.

Earlier this week- it could have been yesterday, I am easily confused- I was thrilled to discover that one of my very flavorite bloggers, The Bloggess, mentioned one of my post titles on her blog in this post.  She had created a list of "bafflvating" titles from her own readers.  Being a fabulously random, hilarious woman, her reader base is chocked full of funny, witty folk.  Seriously, not only are her posts laugh- out-loud awesome,  the comments from her followers are as well.

Read her blog. Do it now.  No one else knows how to discuss gravy, heroin kitties, tequila guns and panda suits like this woman.

So as I am scrolling the list of titles that includes:

How do you say “Please don’t vacuum up the dead wasps” in Spanish?
The two stupidest people on earth live in our house
My fartpartment

I see my title Oh! Sparkles.

I'm so lame. It isn't even a good title.  Dammit!  I spend at least..... three seconds thinking about my titles!  I am entitled to better titles! 

Not really. The only thing that I am entitled to is the free publishing that blogger provides me, because I take precious time away from preparing dinner for my family, or folding laundry, to write here. I should probably stop blogging when I am tired, which would be all the time.  I clearly need help. I'm going to go lay down on the couch right now and cry about it.  No, I'm not.

This is where you all come in.  Because I know that my readers are fierce!  (I'm making kitty claws with my hands now...)  I need to come up with titles that don't point out that I probably have a vitamin deficiency, or am unable to talk to anyone about Obama's State of the Union address because I am too busy watching The Bachelor on my DVR, or that I just freaked out and started squirming over a piece of sweater lint because I thought it was a spider, or that I consumed a brownie and coffee for breakfast....again.  Help me*, dearest, fairest readers of the Internet, whose lips will shame the red red rose.  I obviously need it.  Make me smarter..... and funnier(...and prettier while you are at it). 
*Please send your ideas to my email at or just be brave and leave them in the comment box.  Just be nice, or Red Dog will eat you.

On a completely unrelated and random note:  Thing 1 yelled at me this morning.  I was trying to fix him some toast for breakfast and he was moaning "No! I don't like butter!  I'm a PLAYBOY!" 

I'm pretty confused by his statement so I emailed my friend, who is going to ask her husband to translate this kind of man speak.  

By the way, he DOES like butter.  If I would allow it, he would eat it like it was cheese.  And no, I don't subscribe to Playboy.  Thanks for wondering.

Say Butter!  I mean Cheese!
Maybe he meant "Supermodel"?
All Paparazzi know that they don't like butter.


  1. She used my title: I think I just saw a click of a penis. I was quite proud.

  2. You're so funny! I don't think my titles are amazing either..but I'm not super witty. YOur post crack me up that has to count for something. So, now, I'm off to check out her blog.

  3. I noticed that Brandy- I was proud for you! :)
    Thanks Crystal, I really hope that I bring people a little joy in their day.