Wednesday, January 5, 2011

How to Love Yourself (this is not a guide to masturbation)

Upon exiting the shower the other day, I caught sight of my naked arse in the mirror on our armoire.  I immediately cringed....  and then I got angry at myself for reacting like that.  When am I ever going to learn to love myself?  I am 35 friggin' years old and I still expect to wake up one day and look like a Victoria's Secret model?  Seriously, I think that might be an unattainable standard. Maybe a tad out of reach, unless you have magical genes, like Heidi Klum; or a trust fund and really great plastic surgeon.  Honestly, I hated on my body when it was in its prime.  Back when random men would buy me drinks in a bar.  Back when I tanned and wore a belly chain (hey, it was hot in the 90's).  Now that I am riding the slippery slope downhill of age, motherhood, gravity and stress- because we all know the glowing effects those things have on women's figures- I wonder what the hell my problem was 15...20 years ago.

This is what I concluded:

It is okay to want to work on yourself. We all should be striving to improve ourselves- you know... learning... growing and all that shit. It is fine to have high expectations of yourself- as long as they are achievable.  Let me help:  Goals like~ eating healthier than that day you consumed six cookies for every meal, perhaps.  Goals like~ exercising enough so that oxygen flows to your brain and eliminates the desire to sell your offspring/husband/pets.  Goals like~ trying to incorporate a new vocabulary word into your speech or writing.  Today mine is lachrymose.  I will now use it in a sentence.  I am embarrassed to say that I get a little lachrymose every time I watch a dance show on television, especially when I am having my period.

Guess what?  Almost all of us can pick out every teensy weensy flaw on our bodies.  I have even heard my husband do it, and the man has the most annoying habit of turning negatives into positives.  I remember listening to an interview between George Clooney and Julia Roberts.  He asked her if she ever felt insecure about her body image.  She laughed at him and said, "Pshaw! Yeah!  I'm a girl!".  Julia Roberts people! This is someone that almost all of us has admired in some way.  Hello? She was/is/always will be gorgeous.

I have been picking apart my body since I entered puberty.  My boobs are too small, my thighs are too German, my nose is too big, my neck ate my chins.... blah blah blah.  I hated my knees so much that I even broke one of them in High School. Guess what? I am tired of inflicting negative energy onto myself.  My body is comfortably lived in, has incubated two glorious Things, has enough scars, stretch marks, bags and sags to make other women like me and, in general, it has served me just fine.  I know its flaws and I know its strengths.  Here is one: My arms a decent (when I do yoga....).  See?  How hard was that? Rock Hard- check 'em out!!!  Okay, not rock hard....

Please don't compare me to my sister, or anyone else
 who works out on a regular basis...
This is my resolution to myself.  It is not something for 2011.  It is for all timeI am going to be at peace with my body and myself.  I promise to accept myself, just the way that I am.  I vow to continue to improve myself, for the greater good of my family and society. I will love myself; cellulite, spider veins, thinning hair and all. 

Even a slurring, medicated (but still cute) Paula Abdul was coherent enough to say, "You can admire people all you want, and that is lovely, but when you can INSPIRE people, that is the ultimate gift."  I hope that I have inspired at least one person today to go easier on yourself..... then I can cross that shit off my Resolutions for 2011 list. 

P.S.  Thing 1 pooped in the potty today- his idea even.  I gave him 2 stickers!  See what a loving and generous being that I am?  This love vibe is really working!


  1. I also wonder what the hell my problem was 15-20 years ago when I draped my body in over-sized shirts to hide that size-8 flab... I try to do better now by imagining how great my current photos will look to me when I'm 60.

  2. :) Ok, I went ahead and read it anyway (despite it not being about YOU KNOW WHAT).

    Um, woman, look at pics of yourself from the Christmas Party ... you are smokin.

    Actually, this comes at a good time as I was feeling very blah about my bod last night. I regularly have people telling me that I "don't need to lose any more weight" but I still look in the mirror and see the problem areas. I got a new Yoga DVD - Jillian Michaels, maybe she will help. LOL

    Great Topic!