I know that most of you are stressing over what to buy the cornfed girl this Holiday Season. I am here to assist you with a list of helpful hints. You. Are. Welcome.
First, and most obviously, I NEED these jeans.
These clever "Pajama Jeans" are clearly the height of fashion and they might even solve that nasty little "muffin top" issue that happens whenever I do any activity that requires bending from the waist... or standing. Since I often wear my pajamas through a good portion of the day, these would suit my lifestyle perfectly. I could go from the 5:15 am Thing 2 wake up call to the 5:15 pm meat-from-my-truck salesman to the 7:30 pm book club with my gals and no one would EVER assume I use food stamps. Perfection!
For the days that my Pajama Jeans are in the wash, I clearly need another daily wardrobe item. That is why this flannel nightgown would do the trick! It, yet again, has the dual purpose powers of comfy, warm sleepwear and sexy, spark igniting boudoir attire. Me-ow.
Something I would use on a daily basis is a non-Christmas version of The Elf on the Shelf. If anyone can invent a $20 item to trick my children into being "nice" I would be interested in investing in your venture. I have approximately $6.82 to help launch your manipulation product to the world. I am thinking something like "The Troll Who Will Eat Your Toys While You Are Sleeping" or "The Gnome Who Gnows When You Are Gnaughty.... and Will Eat Your Toys While You Are Sleeping".
I really really really want Mary Poppins to move in with me.
If anyone can create more TIME in the day, that would be super. Also, I would like more TIME in the evening to exercise/ read / drink/ bow chicka now now/ sleep. Thank you.
And, last but not least, I would like to live here. The picture below would also be acceptable.
See? Easy Peazy. I am clearly low maintenance.