Thursday, November 18, 2010

Yoga (and Chili) for "creative" types.

I have always been a serious athlete. Oh wait, that was my sister. 

I participated in the shadow of my sister, who was one grade above me, throughout our school years. I barely held my own with a delicate combination of techniques including aggression, speed, unnecessary roughness and team spirit.  I went to a small school , it is literally in the middle of a cornfield, where you don't do superfluous things, like try out for sports.  In fact, they praised you for joining the team by awarding you a starting position!  Yay! Wait... I am not sure this was quite the compliment on my athletic ability that I would like to believe.

See the athleticism displayed by number 12 in the white, shooting the ball? 
That is my sister.  I am number 20, the one running around to the left. The one who is is no position to get the rebound.

In high school, I played every sport available. I even joined forces with a few other girls and proposed that the school board allow more activities for the females, therefore enabling me to be a total overzealous spaz!  Cross country.  Check!  Cheerleading.  Check! Basketball.  Check!  Track.  Check!  And that was just my activity list of sports.  There was also an assortment of other groups of which I was a member. I would name them all but it would seem like bragging.  Okay, the real truth is that I don't even remember all the clubs. As I have mentioned before, having children has melted my brain. Daily tip: Joining every club and playing every sport is how to "peak" in high school. By the time I got to college I was tired.  I then learned how to drink beer, do shots of whiskey with the boys and eat too much salty crap.  Some call me glamorous.  Feel free to be one of those people.

Here is a Cross Country gem from the early 90's.  I'm the one waving.  Clearly I was a fierce competitor who intimidated the other runners. Aside from the fact that I look like a total fool, my real favorite part of this picture is the GIANT satellite dish in the background.

Back to the exercise.  I have participated in a variety of cardiovascular endeavors through the years.  Taebo, Pilates, jogging (gag),  biking, the elliptical, walking and yoga, to name a few. I have always enjoyed walking and it accomplishes the near impossible.  It never bores me. Hence, I am a walker.  I also (re)discovered yoga 2 years ago after a visit to my chiropractor.  My hips had been aching for awhile (since the birth of Thing 1) and I finally made him take a look at them.  He informed me that my bursa joints were swollen. I nodded like I knew what he was talking about, then rushed home and Googled Bursa Joint.  I found all kinds of information about bursitis, including the fact that it happens to women in their 70's and 80's.  I was 33 at the time. After I almost passed out I decided to take action. So I signed up for some yoga classes. They made me feel great, nothing like when I tried them in college (at 7am!  Stupid time!). I ended up with a migraine after each class after those college classes.  The problem could have been the liquor consumed the night before...I guess that one will remain a mystery.  Anyway, this time, the breathing, the focus, the strengthening and stretching all made me feel centered and my brittle old lady hips stopped hurting. I can not afford the classes now (damn Smelly cat) so I just try to fit in a little movement every day a home.  Okay, not EVERY day, but 4 times a week.... if the planets are aligned properly and I have all my chores done.  I had not done any yoga in awhile and I was starting to feel (and look) like the hunchback of Notre Dame, so today I took action at the Things' nap time.

It went like this....

I started out on my mat in my clothes that I had put on this morning, complete with socks.  After my second downward facing dog I noticed that my socks looked like elf feet.  I then couldn't stop thinking about the movie Elf with Will Farrell.  "We elves try and stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."

Why yogis don't wear socks.

I removed my socks and noticed my toenails were looking a little gnarly.  I started thinking about the last pedicure I had given myself and wondered about the decade of that event?  Hmm.  Maybe I should stop exercising and paint my toenails.  No!  Focus, damn it!

Scary.  But look at my cute beauty mark on my left foot.  I call that toe Cindy Crawford.  It might be Cancer but Cindy is a happier name, don't you think?

Then I couldn't concentrate because all I could think about was how my non-yoga pants were riding down and my ass crack was probably exposed.  I realize that I was alone in the living room and it shouldn't matter but I hate the feeling of cold air on my ass.  I turned over and put my ass down to stop the draft. I then did a bridge pose to try and stretch my chest out a bit. I am not loving the forward C my body seems to be fond of cramming itself into lately. While in the position, I noticed my feet were cold and I was thirsty so I stopped doing yoga and wondered off to find my Emu boots and a glass of wine water.

You feared a picture of my crack, didn't you? Sick bastard. These are my precious Emu boots.  They are comfy and warm and they make Cindy and her friends happy. I don't care if you think that they are ugly.  I love them.

So here is my conclusion;
I participated in enough fitness in my youth to trick my body into thinking that it is still fit, therefore I no longer need to work out.  No?  Okay, let's try another.  I need to be in a structured class to focus properly on what I am doing because if no one is giving me instruction I am likely to wander off and start baking cookies or cleaning a closet in the middle of exercise.  That is more like it.

This is only one of the many "benefits" of being creative (or what my husband and I have lovingly named our A.D.D.).

Hey!  Do you like chili?  Me too!
I cannot exercise without thinking about food. Here is a yummy version that I made in the crock pot.

Crock Pot Chili

1 pound of ground beef/buffalo,venison or ground turkey
1 small onion (chopped)
2 stalks celery (chopped)
1/2 red pepper (chopped)
2 cloves garlic (minced)
3 carrots (peeled and chopped)
1 medium zucchini (chopped into 1/2 inch squares)
1 cup frozen corn
1 28 oz (big ass) can of diced tomatoes
1 or 2 can(s) of beans, any combination of pinto, red kidney, white kidney, black or great northern
1 T beef bouillon (I used paste)
1/2 t sea salt
1 t black pepper
1/2 t oregano
1 T sugar
dash of celery salt
as much chili powder as you like

You need to know something about my cooking.  I really don't do silly things like "measure".  I also use whatever is in my refrigerator or pantry.  I don't usually put carrots in my chili but I was attracted to the color orange today (and I chose to wear it again, this time without a gourd comparison from Thing 1).  I will typically used diced tomatoes but I have also been know to use crushed or whole (I chop them). Fire roasted add an extra kick. I like 2 different kinds of beans but this time I just added one because I am nursing and Thing 2 is not fond of the gassy foods. In my humble opinion, cooking is not an exact science, so don't stress!  Just throw everything together when your children are wearing their halos (ie. occupied by a DVD) around 10 or 11 am.  Set that baby on low heat and you will have something edible, colorful and nutritious to feed your family at 5:30, right about the same time that your precious children turn into Satan's spawn. Serve with peanut butter and honey sandwiches (don't doubt it, just do it). Enjoy!


  1. TeeHee you said ass-crack. ;) Love the Emu boots, btw ... suck-it, haters. I too do a little yoga/pilates here and there ... at home ... have you tried the Gaiam videos (B&N has them)? They are good ... I've also discovered that our library has a good collection, although your best bet is to look online and place holds on the ones that catch your eye. I agree that walking is about the only thing that doesn't 'get old'. :) Ok, I need to stop avoiding work now. WTH were you doing up at 4:30 am ... oh, wait, baby. DUH. Love your pics, btw! Especially the crisp cold outdoors.

  2. If anyone wants to know what I'm asking Santa for this's that friggin hilarious picture of you waving while running! OMFG! I have a little coffee dripping out of my nose now you spaz. :)