Thursday, November 11, 2010


This morning I awoke to the sight of snow drifting softly from the heavens.  I took a few precious pictures of all my boys looking at the wonder and splendor of the first snow of the season.  It is Thing 2's very first time seeing snow!  Ahhh. Moments like these are memories in the making....

I graciously whited out the nightmare inducing sight of our garage for my viewers.  I don't want anyone thinking that we live like po' white trash.... which we most certainly do.

Have you absorbed all the cuteness you can stand yet?  Good. Now let me tell you how I REALLY feel about winter.  It is fucking bleak, cold, dead and depressing.  Thank God I now live in Colorado, where at least the sun shines throughout the winter.  Grey Iowa winters were excruciating on this delicate flower.  I actually think I may suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Either that or I am in a constant state of PMS from November through April.  Whatever the real issue is, it removes the label "Hi, My Name is FUN" and replaces it with one of these two options; "It feels better with the blankets over my head"  or   "I hate you. Please leave now".  I am guilty of spending my waking hours in an semi-unconscious state and was unaware that SAD even existed until a few years ago.  It does seem to explain the fact that I fouled out of almost every basketball game that I played in high school. I was so aggressive that my coach once handed me a pamphlet about football camp.  Seriously.    And I always thought that I was just an asshole.  Isn't it wonderful to discover a magic disease that enables your bad behavior?  I was stoked.

So you see, the sight documented above is a sham, because even though I sound happy to those boys while I am snapping their picture, on the inside I am arming myself for my impending battle with winter.  I think about the wind, the cold, the wet dog paws, the mittens that I will spend the next 5 months of my life finding and trying to keep on the tiny hands, and the frightening sight of my mayonnaise white skin turning to that lovely shade of mint green.  I know that I now get to hunker down in my tiny house and begin the war with toys and laundry and toys and laundry andtoysandlaundryandtoysandlaundry..........

Oh yes, I know some of you love sledding and skiing and making fucking snowmen and snow angels and having fucking snowball fights, but I just think about trying to finally potty train my three year old when he is wrapped up like King Tut in a snowsuit. Seriously, can't we just go from fall right back into spring?  I love fall, and I love spring, so I really don't see the problem. Furthermore, it would save those squirrels a lot of work with all the scavenging and storage of nuts and the red dog's food.

While you may see fluffy white marshmallows...

What normal happy people see~ Sparkling snow and family fun.
I see gray ice stained with dirt, dog piss and car exhaust. 

Fugly.   I hate happy people.

So, do I welcome the sight of the snow?  About as much as I welcome the sight and sound of The Wiggles coming from my TV.  I fake a smile and force out something that mildly resembles joy while I am assuming the fetal position on the inside.

Happy Fucking Winter. 

Wow- I am a grumpy bastard.  Anyone want to hang out with me today?  No?  Well, here is a picture of something that truly brings me blissful feelings of love, peace and happiness. 

Thing 2's Buddha feet in the kitchen sink.  Someone should really trim his toenails.

Hey, have a great day.


  1. I fucking love you! But you knew that already. I have SAD too. Or maybe it's just living in Jersey, same state that "Jersey Shore" and the fist pump are is EVERYONE from this state not depressed?! Thing 2's feet made me smile though! It isn't quite gray here yet. As a matter of fact, I thought I was having a seizure after I was sunblinded while shopping today. Clearly I don't leave the house often for my eyeballs to evolve to the sunlight. And a big THANK YOU to my daughter for biting...yes sunglasses in half.
    Wish I lived in CO again so we could be SAD together. Ok, we'd probably be drunk to kill the SAD. But potato, potAto!