Yesterday, as I was gazing out of the kitchen window, challenging that "myth" of snow blindness, I realized that there was something unnatural happening in my home. It was completely silent. I am not exaggerating. There was NO freaking noise. No Thing 2 screaming, no Red Dog making monkey sounds, no Thing 1 demanding juice and yelling Shhh! at me, no Black Dog barking, no TV, no radio, and no Smelly Cat yowling. It was so weird that I briefly thought I had been transported to an episode of The Twilight Zone. Either that or I had suddenly and inexplicably lost my hearing because BOTH children were AWAKE. Whhhhhhyyyyy was this happening? I didn't trust it so I investigated the situation.
What I am about to share with you may make me an actual undiscovered genius. I think I unveiled the magic formula....
x=silence, a=Thing 1, b=Thing 2, c=Mommy
a+dvd(with headphones)+b+plug+c+hiding in the closet=x!
Okay, so I wasn't hiding in the closet, but the Things couldn't see me. I could see them... but they didn't know where mommy was, therefore, they were not making demands on me. Viola! Magic. NO NOISE! If angel wings made a sound, what I heard was what they would sound like.... absofuckinglutely nothing!!!!
The crap part of this whole twinkling moment in time was that I didn't even realize why I was so relaxed as to be gazing outside at the snow, pondering the theory of snow blindness. I pray constantly to feel peace but when I finally do, I almost completely ignore it. You see, when I get rare snippets of heaven I make sure to completely miss the well intended moment by allowing my eyes to float comfortably together in a crossed fashion while breathing through my mouth. Once again, God throws up his hands at me and wonders, "Why bother? This one is drooling on herself again."
|Stare at this picture for 5 minutes and you will develop snow blindness.|