Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Pop Quiz Today!!!!

I love to read the blog The Pioneer Woman.  She is so happy.  And so cute.  And her content is wholesome, unlike my bitter dribbling and salty take on things.  Hey, some of us are just keeping it real for the non-Pollyanna's on the planet.  She posts little pop quizzes and gives out fabulous prizes a few times a month.  I like the idea of a brain teaser and free stuff so I decided to steal her idea (honesty is always my policy, at any cost) and make a pop quiz of my own for my nine readers.  I hope you all feel simultaneously motivated by the lure of free stuff and mentally challenged.  Yes, that is what I meant.

Note:  The only prizes I can afford at this time are the unsold items from our failed garage sale.  See Below.

First Place Prize

Grand Prize!  Real fake roses!  Hard to find, unless you shop at The Dollar Store.

The hair from an unknown source is a bonus.  Think how impressed your dinner guests would be with this on your table.  They won't even be surprised when you serve Ramen Noodles.

Second Place Prize

This never worn western blouse could be yours to treasure.  It is one of the few available that was designed by a monkey on acid.  Rest assured, colors like these will never go "out" because they have never been "in".  And yes, it is laying on my truck.  I like to keep it classy.

Classic western detailing meets 90's grunge. This is a whole lot of awesomeness in one wardrobe item.

Honorable Mention

A timeless classic.  A beer mug from my Junior Prom.  Why a beer mug for 17 and 18 year old people?  Well, let me just tell you... I have no idea.  The super exciting part is that this is only ONE in a set of FOUR!  I KNOW! I AM EXCITED, TOO!

Can't you just feel the surging hormones, uh, I mean romance? 

Now that you are thoroughly thrilled with the idea of owning any these fabulous prizes, let me present the quiz!  Correctly complete these idioms by answering in the comments section.  I may or may not choose the winners at random and contact said winners for prize collection.  You could also just stop by my house and take whatever pleases you so that I could actually park in the garage. 

1)  All work and no play makes Jack____________________.
a. richer than you.
b. richer than me.
c. sexually frustrated.
d. a dull boy.
e. Jill's Amish brother.

2) Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man_____________________.
a. devoid of a social life.
b. ignorant to the plot of Desperate Housewives.
c. in need of large doses of caffeine.
d. healthy, wealthy and wise.
e. a farmer.

3) Why buy the cow when you can get the milk___________________?
a. down the street at the gas station.
b. from the neighbor's cow (at night, when they don't know you are there).
c. ...wait, I am a lactose intolerant vegetarian.  Why would I want a cow or milk?
d. for free.
e. Hold on cowboy, I find this offensive.  What if I told you, "Why buy the hog if all you want is a little sausage?"

4) The early bird___________________.
a. gets eaten by the cat, who failed to find his prey in the middle of the night.
b. is three years old and thinks your day should begin when his does, at 5:02 am.
c. never went to sleep last night and might still be drunk.
d. gets the worm.
e. annoys the crap out of the night owl.

5) If at first you don't succeed________________.
a. then you failed.  Game over.
b. take yourself down to the corner pub and drink your confidence back.
c. you are probably doomed to be a loser for the rest of time.
d. try, try again.
e. give up. It is clearly too hard.

6) Don't count your___________________.
a. starter marriage.
b. cash income on your taxes.
c. fingers or toes if they exceed ten.
d. chickens before they hatch.
e. floor tiles.  It seems OCD to others.

7) __________________ girl's best friend.
a. Never piss off your
b. Don't sleep with your
c. Coffee is a
d. Diamonds are a
e. Batteries are a

8) You can't teach____________________.
a. a dirty old man that it is creepy, not sexy.
b. your husband to get the dirty clothes IN the laundry basket.
c. me how to break dance.
d. an old dog new tricks.
e. a drunk person anything.

9) An apple a day_____________________.
a. adds up to about $125 a year.  Unless you shop at Whole Foods, then it is about $576 a year.
b. will make you hate apples.
c. would be better saved for a pie made by my Grandma.
d. keeps the doctor away.
e.  I'm bored with this one.

10) If you can't run with the big dogs,_______________________.
a. you are pathetic. Get your ass in the gym.
b. try walking with the littler ones.
c. buy a bike and let them eat your dust!
d. stay on the porch.
e. taunt them with your high intellect and sharp wit.  If that doesn't work, throw rocks at them.

Thanks for reading.  I know this is hard, but you can do it! I look forward to you taking this shit, I mean these fabulous prizes!  I know they will enrich your life, just as they once did mine.  Happy quizzing!

1 comment:

  1. 1) c. Definitely. I think I knew Jack.
    2) a & b. True for women too.
    3) a. I don't particularly find the saying offensive. If the guy doesn't want a cow, he really shouldn't have one. Let him pay for the milk.
    4) Used to be c and now is b.
    5) b
    6) All of the above.
    7) ditto
    8) a and b
    9) e
    10) d. With a beer.

    Thank you for making me laugh a lot!