Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mary Poppins may be promoting my drinking.

I always think that I love the movie Mary Poppins.  I own it and watched it with Thing 1 today, but afterwards I felt like I always do- disenchanted and slightly depressed. Before you throw your VHS Disney Collection at my head, let me explain.

I understand that the point of the movie is for parents to realize that all their children want from them is time and attention.  Mrs. Banks is a bubble headed Suffragette and Mr. Banks is a stuffy banker- both so caught up in their own lives that they don't have time for their children.

In floats a magical, honey-toned, perfectly coiffed Mary Poppins!  She has special talents, like sliding up the banister and producing decorating items from her empty carpet bag!  She uses her bewitching trickery to get the children, Jane and Michael, to clean the nursery!  She introduces them to Bert the chimney sweep/one-man band/artist and they jump into one of his sidewalk chalk creations!  There they meet cartoons penguins, rescue a cartoon fox and race on carousel horses!  After she sings them to sleep that night with her golden voice, they spend the following day talking to cute dogs and laughing so hard that they float in the air.! Mary Poppins is magical, mystical FUN FUN FUN!

Mary Poppins then appeals to the adult audience by showcasing brilliant manipulation skills, resulting in the children spending a day with dear old dad at work.  Boring. Jane and Michael end up being chased by the police. Bert brings them home to their mother who is once again too busy for them.  Then Mary Poppins arrives and they float up the chimney like Santa Claus where they prance over rooftops.  There they are granted a private concert by a dance crew of chimney sweeps!

Eventually, mum and pop come to their senses and they decide that they do love their children.  They prove this by going on a family outing- to fly a kite. Whaaaaat?  Really, we waited the entire movie for them to take some paper and string 100 feet away to the park? Talk about anticlimactic. As Debbie Downer would say, Wah wah...

Then, to make matters worse- Mary Poppins LEAVES. 

See?  It really is a horrible movie that promotes drinking wine while curled in the fetal position.  Oh, wait, maybe the cause of that is the potty training.....  Hmmmm? 

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