Sunday, November 7, 2010

LOOK! I made a Poem.

For the record, this sort of thing will not be a common post for two reasons.  1) I have no talent at writing poems and 2) I don't desire to have talent because I really don't like poetry.  Now, I realize that I should be ashamed of this fact but, alas, I am not.  I am too tired to even feel ashamed of the fact that I often leave Thing 2 in his pj's all day.  Hey, he naps twice a day so what the hell?  Back to the poetry, aside from my lack of  brain power interest, it requires too much passive aggressive action, like reading between the lines... and thinking.  Passive aggression isn't really my deal, I am more of a "stand in front of you with a ballbat and whack you between the eyes" gal.  I would hate for anyone to waste their time trying to interpret my intentions. Have I mentioned how easily I make friends?

I know guys think that all women like chocolates, flowers and poems (and booze). I did have an (ex) boyfriend who wrote me a poem. I walked to my car early one morning and found it on my windshield. He was attempting to win me back and thought a romantic poem about how much he needed me would do the trick. I know that I was supposed to be charmed and possibly aroused by it, but quite frankly, I was creeped out by the fact that he was lurking around my house at some point in the night.  All that poem really did was finalize the breakup.  Think how different my life could be it he would have delivered chocolate and a great bottle of wine, or learned how to play the guitar?

Here's my best attempt.  I'll tell you right now that it sucks donkey balls.  I was inspired by the thought of winning someone (or something) back. I assure you, I will not creep around your car in the wee hours of the morning to deliver it.  Or maybe I will... let's face the truth.  I am awake a lot in the wee hours of the morning and clearly bored (see my blog).

An Ode To Sleep

Sleep, oh sleep, where did you go?
We were once so tight, I miss you so.

How can you give up so easily on me?
Just give me another chance and you will see...

I do still love you, I can promise that,
It's just the kids, the snoring, the smelly ass cat.

They all make so much damned noise
Someday I think I'll sell all three boys (and the dogs too)

It starts at 1 am, with the sawing of logs
at 3 Thing 2 cries, then whines the dogs

At 5 am Thing 1 creep into our bed
The cat follows him in and lays on my head

Thing 1 demands juice with sass
The cat lifts his leg and licks his ass (he is still on my head, mind you)

To the highest bidder they will go,
Then you can return to me, you dirty little ho.

Motels beckon as I drive past
A bed. Silence. Sleep at last

Do Not Disturb, I would hang on the door
And then Maid service!  Seriously, I don't need anything more.

Except shoes, I love shoes.  Oh, and coffee.

When you leave me sleep, I get all bitchy
And the worst part is, my right eye gets twitchy.

People look at me with heads tilted sideways
Then they jump in the car and speed off down the highway.

If you and I could rendevous once more
Then I would have the energy to finish all my fucking chores.

The End. 

The red dog demonstrating the "Why the hell is her eye doing that?".  Okay, she is really saying "Hey lady, are you going to throw that ball or what?"

Why wouldn't anyone want to touch this?  Yummy.

And, without further ado, the eye twitch.  You have no idea how many (and such quality) men that I have attracted with this.
I hope that I have inspired you to write your own poetry as a way to lose your dignity and the respect of all others.  Have a wonderful Sunday.
Peace Out.


  1. I so faintly remember sleep- still elusive- must be the kid thing....