Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 1 of Potty Training

Thing 1 is almost 3 1/2 years old and he is still not potty trained.  I have made all sorts of excuses ranging from "He just isn't interested" to "I know grown men that, if it were socially acceptable, would like it if you changed their diaper for them" to "I don't even have the same parts so my husband should really train him".  The reality is this~ I am lazy.  I also decided that it is bullshit that I do the training alone so I enlisted my husband to help this weekend.  He has already given me about 25 reasons to believe that having him help me was a bad idea, like telling me 25 times that he needs to leave the house today.  Guess what?  Mommy needs to leave the house too, for fear of my head exploding as a result of being here for the past five days alone with two children.....   Call me an asshole, but I am just not feeling overly sympathetic to his needs.

I friend told me about a 3 day method.  The basic concept is that you first have your child throw away the diapers and pull-ups.  Then you become glue and shadow your beloved offspring for three whole days (and nights- you are instructed to sleep on the floor by their bed) and consistently tell them, "Let Mommy/Daddy know when you have to go potty!".  Give them lots of rewards and praise.  I personally think that this sounds like a lot of laundry, no sleep and a migraine.  But, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Here we go! Wish us luck.

On a completely different note, I decided to try a new shampoo.  I was feeling thrifty and thought that I would spend only $2.99 per bottle of shampoo and conditioner.  I stood at Super Target in front of the various brands and looked them over thoroughly.  After contemplating (ie. smelling) many different options I selected Herbal Essences, Tousle Me Softly.  It smelled okay, like pomegranates and wild violets, and I thought it might help pump up my hair, which Thing 1 told me was "skinny" the other day. 

After using it once I discovered why the folks at Herbal Essences claim that your hair will achieve a "tousled" look.  I spent the entire day itching my scalp, which is now the shade of a pomegranate, and my hair certainly did look tousled by last night.  Apparently they forgot to mention that they infused it with rash producing "essences" and quite possibly some sort of skin mite. Also, their version of pomegranates and wild violet started to smell like cheap air freshener used to cover the beguiling scents of a public restroom after about an hour. Daily tip:  Spend the money and stick with Redkin.  It has never given me a tousled look, but it has never given me a rash either, and it smells nice.

I now plan on convincing my husband that I do indeed need to leave the house. I need take the crap that they are schlepping as shampoo back to Super Target.  I think I will first grab one of their display bikes and proceed to ride through the aisles yelling "I want my six dollars!".  Okay, I won't really do that, but the thought of it is enough to entertain me for the next two minutes.

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