I know that I often open my mouth and have inappropriate things fall out. (You should read my blog.) I will not deny this fact. It truly is a skill- a gift if you will. My husband, on the other hand, is far superior to me on this subject. He not only does it more frequently, but with much more precision. Call it a man's gift to pare back his words and cut to the chase.
In one of our rare and precious moments known as "date night", we were preparing to leave for Denver with some friends and were giving the babysitter last minute instructions. My instructions went like so .... "Give him a bath at 7, put him in fresh pj's, read him a book and give him some milk. Bedtime is 7:30". Fairly standard. My husband's instructions went like so... "Help yourself to the beer in the fridge". What? What did he just say? I will admit that my hub and I occasionally have a drink with dinner. We do this when we are the ones caring for the child. We are also A) the parents B) responsible drinkers in our 30's and 40's and C) legal.
We walk out the door and load into the vehicle. This is when I start my rampage. "I cannot believe that you offered our 17 year old, heavily conservative Christian babysitter BEER while she is WATCHING OUR son! Do you THINK MAYBE that is SLIGHTLY INAPPROPRIATE???? What if she gets stinkin' drunk and he wakes up? What if her parents found out? Whaa wha wa wawa....(that is the Charlie Brown droning adult voice)" . My husband lets me finish while he is sipping on a Coca Cola. When he hears the pause in my lecture, it is his cue to talk. He lets out a GIANT belch that would make any child either giggle or tremble with fear and says "Noted Babe."
How does one even respond to that? I need to speak with his mother. I'll do that as soon as I am finished laughing.